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THINNER by Antigone Chapter 27
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The Chapters
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Joe glanced away from the tray they’d placed
before him to a young girl, too thin, across the table from him. “When did you come in?” He swallowed, hard. “Last night. Late.” “First meal here?” another girl, this one more
average looking, asked from beside him. “Yeah.” “We can tell,” the thin one smiled. “It’s
rough of first, but it’s okay. You’ll see. The first few days are
rough is all.” Joe glanced around at the faces at the table; kind
girls, looking at him encouragingly. Has
everyone here been brainwashed? He thought dizzily, looking down
at his breakfast tray: a bagel with cream cheese, eggs, an apple, and
orange juice. The expect me to eat this? Me, who never has breakfast,
who doesn’t need it, who shouldn’t have it? I don’t belong
here, among all these girls. I don’t know what people are thinking, I
don’t know what my parents are thinking— And
Frank. Frank most of all. Despite his promise that they would talk before
departing, the confusion of the late-night transfer had left little time
for him to say goodbye to his family. His mother had been teary; his
father, solemn. His elder brother had looked sadder than Joe had ever
seen him before, hugging him almost uncertainly, murmuring an apology,
his hand lingering on his brother’s protruding spine, trembling as he
withdrew. Some part of Joe that had not yet surrendered to his
illness knew his brother meant well, knew that Frank was doing what he
thought was best. But part of him resented it, wanted Frank to take him
home, to explain to their parents that Joe needed to be with his brother.
Although Frank had infuriated him by going to their parents and his
Coach, he nonetheless wanted to be with him, to spend as much time
together as possible before Frank walked out of his life for good. The
question is, why would Frank want to spend time with you?
Someone as smart as him, as kind as him, you think you have anything to
offer? What use would he have for you? “…name?” Joe jolted back to reality and blushed, realizing
all eyes were on him. “Huh?” “What’s your name?” the thin girl asked again. “Oh…Joe. Hardy.” “Hi, Joe. I’m Veronica.” “I’m Marissa,” the healthy girl beside him
said. The girls around him introduced themselves, all
smiles and support, then began to pick their way through their trays. “Do you know how mealtimes work?” Marissa asked.
“No,” Joe mumbled. “Eat as much as you can. When you don’t finish
you’ll be given a supplement, like Ensure or Deliver, which you have to
drink. If you don’t drink it by the time meal time support therapy is
over, it’s considered non-compliance. If you’re not compliant they
may kick you out, or else there’s feeding tubes. It depends on whether
you’re willing to recover or not. You are willing, aren’t you?” Joe felt his face flush and looked down at his tray.
“I’m not sick,” he muttered. Eyes turned toward him, then glanced at each other;
at that moment, a counselor arrived. “May I see your tray?” she asked the younger
Hardy boy. Joe leaned back in to his chair so she could get a look. She
marked a paper in a manila folder and placed it beside his tray; Joe saw
his name written on the tab at the top. “Do you know the mealtime rules?” she asked him
gently. “Marissa,” he gestured to the girl beside him,
“told me about supplements and all.” “That’s fine, but there’s also discussion
rules. No talking about the meal, calories, weights, or therapy. No
numbers at all here. We don’t calorie count and we don’t discuss meal
plans, weight gain, etc. You’ll learn more when you meet with your
nutritionist later. In the meantime, I’m Vanessa, one of the counselors
here, and I’ll be running the group therapy after the meal. If you need
anything…” But Joe was no longer paying attention. Vanessa. Her
name was Vanessa. What was Vanessa thinking now? What was she going to
think, what were all his friends going to think, when they found
out he was here? His family wouldn’t lie, that was clear: they’d tell
everyone he was in treatment for an eating disorder. They’d tell them
that he was sick—they’d tell them all lies! “I’m not eating this,” Joe announced, pushing
his tray toward Veronica. The girls around him stopped eating and glanced
toward the counselor. “Joe,” Vanessa said calmly, “that may be
triggering for some.” “Triggering?” “It makes us want to go back to our symptoms,”
Veronica said softly. “Symptoms?” “Our eating disorder,” Marissa clarified. “Oh. Well…sorry. But I don’t need this. I
don’t belong here.” “Then just sit and wait,” Vanessa said firmly.
“And you’ll be given your supplements.” “Supplements?” “That’s right.” Joe felt suddenly dizzy, and it wasn’t all from
hunger. This room, with it’s white linoleum and white walls felt too
close, the girls were too close, his tray was too close, and he was
conscious not only of being the only boy, but of the sharp loneliness at
being separated from his friends and family. He sat quietly throughout the meal, watching the
others eat and ignoring his own tray, gradually conscious of the
uneasiness of his stomach and the soreness of his throat, raw with the
violence of the purge the previous night. At the end of the meal a slender blonde woman
approached him, smiling and holding a folder. “You’re Joe Hardy?” He nodded. “My name’s Tamara, and I’m in charge of
setting up admittance appointments. I need to take you to meet with your
treatment team now. Have you finished?” “He needs supplements,” Vanessa said, rising and
moving in the direction of the kitchen, where the trays were prepared and
brought out on metal racks, labeled with patient’s names and their meal
choices. “We can take it with us,” Tamara said with a
smile, “unless you want to drink them here.” “I’m not drinking them,” Joe muttered, getting
to his feet and wishing for a change of clothes; he was still wearing the
long-sleeved white t-shirt and jeans from the night before, both of which
were too big on him. “That’s considered non-compliance.” Tamara’s
smile faded. “It’s not when you’re not sick.” She nodded gravely as Vanessa emerged with a large
red plastic cup filled to the brim with thick, off-white liquid. “I’m not drinking that,” Joe snapped when she
reached to hand it to him. “That’s—” “Non-compliance, right. Write it down or
something. I don’t care. I don’t need to be here.” The two women exchanged a look, then Tamara motioned
for Joe to follow her out to the main hall. She explained the layout of
the ward, the ‘living room’ where everyone could watch TV, the
nurse’s station, the medication window, where meds were given twice a
day, the board that indicated what level you were—the lower the level,
the less privileges. “You’re on level three right now,” she
informed him. “That means you’re not on any form of bed-rest, but
you’re restricted to the ward. If you continue to lose weight and are
non-compliant you may be dropped down to partial bed-rest; if you’re
continually non-compliant, you’ll be dropped to full bed-rest. That
means that your doctors come to you, and you can’t attend group
sessions.” She gave him a somewhat severe look. “It makes life pretty
tough.” “And being here isn’t already?” Joe mumbled. She ignored him. “If you’re compliant however,
you’ll move up to level four. You have more freedom with your meal
choices then, and you can go out to eat.” Tamara paused as Joe put a
hand to his head, fighting a wave of dizziness. “Are you all right?” The younger Hardy brother nodded weakly. “I’ll take you to meet your therapist now.”
She said gently, turning and making her way down the hall past the
nurse’s station. Joe drew a breath, steadied himself, and made his way
after her, all the while thinking Frank…why? |
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