William moved Frank’s chair so that he was close to the side of the bed where Joe was lying.  

“Here let me help”, William sneered and then rolled Joe onto his back so Frank could see his face.  

Frank just really needed to touch Joe, to convince himself that he was still alive and maybe…just maybe he could reach Joe and remind him that he was not alone….that his big brother was here.  

An intense sadness filled Frank as he saw how abused the younger boy was.  Yes, Frank had had to witness it over the last 9 hours but to see it so close…so close he breathed it…  

Frank shuddered and closed his eyes briefly…he wanted to throttle William with his bare hands…  

Desperately, he wanted to hold his brother and make everything okay… to make it all better….  

…To protect Joe from the shadows that Frank could see threatening to tug him away…. threatening to take him to a place where Frank couldn’t follow…    

Swallowing painfully, Frank was shocked at this intensity… while always a ‘good’ big brother, endowed with patience and compassion, he had never before felt such a burning need to protect…  to make Joe safe.  

It made him tremble and hesitate slightly… suddenly awkward.  

Reaching slowly… tentatively with trembling fingers, Frank gently brushed the damp golden curls from his brother’s forehead.  He was surprised to feel their softness in his hands and it was such a contrast to the bruised, beaten face that he looked down into.   

Turbulent brown eyes searched for some way he could touch… to comfort….but he couldn’t.  His fear was just too great that he would hurt his brother.  

An unbidden tear tracked down his cheek as he whispered, his voice choked in emotion, “oh…baby…”  

Glazed, blue eyes opened slowly and Frank felt his heart constrict.  Joe couldn’t see him.  Their translucent sapphire depths were sightless… blinded by the shadow that Frank saw. .  

A haunted shadow where a bright spark used to live…  

And he was terrified.   

Joe was slipping away.  

Leaning down, Frank placed a gentle kiss on the hot forehead and then William was there, pulling him back and roughly snapping the handcuffs back in place.  Frank winced at the shooting pain in his wrists but didn’t cry out.  His eyes never once left Joe’s face as William dragged his chair away from the bed.  

“I’m sorry Joe…so sorry”, he whispered.

* * *

William was incensed.  A burning jealousy consumed him as he watched Frank with Joe.   

How dare Joe have anyone care for him so much?   

He didn’t deserve it.  He was second…second best…second everything!  

“I’m sorry Joe…so sorry”  

The amount of compassion and regret in Frank’s voice broke whatever restraint William had left and with vicious roughness he hauled Joe from the bed, letting him hit the floor hard and started kicking him.  

Distantly he heard Frank yelling at him but William didn’t stop.  

“You are nothing…nothing!” William screamed at Joe when he finally did stop and glared down at the boy at his feet.  Joe had somehow managed to curl up into a fetal position, “This should be mine!  You stole my life away…the second you were born!”  

With one final kick, Frank heard a sickening crack.  He felt lightheaded and nauseas…he had just heard his brother’s ribs break…he was sure of it.  

Please Joe, Frank fervently prayed, please hold on for just a little longer…Dad’s coming home…just a little longer…  

William looked over at Frank, breathing hard from the exertion of the assault.  He didn’t say anything, but his blue eyes held such darkness that Frank found he could not hold his gaze and looked away.  

Satisfied, William turned off the light, closed the door and left the brothers alone.

* * *

Chief of Police Ezra Collig drove home feeling a little better about all this.  Ed Myers had assured him that the adoption would be stalled and that his department would be contacting the Hardy’s lawyer in the morning.  

“What are you going to say?”  Collig has asked, “to explain the request to reschedule?’  

Ed had laughed, “Ezra I don’t have to explain anything.  These things happen all the time.” And then he had sobered, “But to tell you the truth, old friend, when I look at this…” he paused as he looked back at that little boy’s face in the old photo, “the more my instincts are telling me something isn’t right here.  And until I am sure of what that is, this won’t be leaving my office.”  

Ezra thanked him, reminded him about their weekly poker game tomorrow night and then hung up.  

“Now all I have to do”, Collig said as he pulled up in front of his house, “is let Con know.”  

He knew the younger man would be relieved.  

And deep down, Ezra realized…so was he.

* * *

Phil Cohen stared at the computer and frowned. Frank was always on line at this hour of night.  But his status was still ‘unavailable’.  

He picked up the phone to call him but hung it again when he heard his mother talking to one of her friends on the other extension.  

Oh great, he thought, Mom’ll be on the phone all night!  

With a reluctant sigh, he decided to call it a night but he kept himself ‘available’ so he’d hear if Frank came on line.  

Joe must still be sick, the sandy haired boy thought as he drifted off. 

* * *

Biff lay in his bed with his hands under his head and stared up at the ceiling.  He still hadn’t heard from Joe or Frank and it bothered him.  

Yes, if Will was right then they were probably just sleeping and there was no reason to worry.  

But…what if Will was wrong??  

The sound of rain hitting his window made him sigh.  If they were sick, this kind of weather wasn’t going to do anything to help.  

Finally closing his eyes as the rain became quite heavy, Biff resolved that he was going to drop by the house on his way to school…and come hell or high water, he was going to see Joe.  

And no one was going to stop him.  

No one.

* * *

The room was dark.  

Frank couldn’t see Joe but he could hear him.  

He could hear his ragged uneven breathing as Joe laboured in the darkness.  

“Joe?” Frank whispered although he didn’t expect to get an answer, “I’m sorry little brother.  I am so sorry. I should have seen this before…long before it got this far…” his voice was miserable and low, guilt making it raspy.  

“I kept asking you what was wrong…but I never looked,“ Frank swallowed hard as he realized now why Joe couldn’t tell him about this.  

Would he have even believed?  

He continued, gaining comfort from the sound of his own voice and praying that even if Joe didn’t understand the words, the sound would be soothing…reminding him he was not alone, “I let myself get distracted…manipulated even.  But never once did I look at you…and I mean take a good look at you.  I’m sorry….my vision got obscured and I was seeing double…we all were. Oh Joe”, he finished miserably.  He did not even have the words to say.   

The sound of rain against the window filled him with such a burning ache of loneliness.  It reminded him of the night he and Biff had gone to look for Joe after he fled the house.  Things made so much more sense now and it made him feel worst.  

He now understood…  

Understood too well.  

As the rain continued, lightly at first but then with a growing urgency that matched Frank’s.  He closed his eyes briefly to try and stave off the overwhelming despair that threatened to overcome him.  

But in the darkness as the rain beat off the window, with his wrists ragged and sore… exhausted, but awake, the dark haired boy cried.  He cried for the shadow on the floor in front of him…a shadow he couldn't touch.   

He cried because he was terrified that by morning...like shadows had a tendency to do...it would be gone.   

Gone to a place where Frank couldn’t follow…  

And he began to sing.  His voice, clear but emotion laced quietly trying to give hope to both of them. It was all he could do.  

Sing and pray that somehow Joe could hear him…somehow…  

Hear him and gain comfort.

* * *

Joe felt nothing.  

But could he hear?  

What did he hear?  

Something…  

Haunting… familiar…?  

He was not alone.

* * *

And Frank sang… the only song he could think of and he hoped Duncan Sheik could forgive him…his voice shook…he sang “Reasons for Living”…

 

Everyone's looking, everyone hides

Everyone's telling, but everyone lies

We're changing the subject, we're turning away

Away from the heart of it all

You say you are happy

Do you think this is fun?

Well it's only a firefly to the light of the sun

You say this is living, you feel so alive

Well you know everything dies

 

Even my wonder, even my fear

Only amount to a couple of tears

There is a rhythm, it's near and it's far

It flows through the heart of us

 

Welcome to another day

It doesn't seem that different 'cause nothing has changed

I try to remember, try to remember

When we were just running in place

Reasons for living, never come cheap

But even your best ones can put me to sleep

What I am saying or trying to say

Is that there must be a better way 

 

It's already in you, it's already there

You may disagree, but I don't really care

Did you ever find out, did you ever find out

What's at the heart of us?

Did you ever find out

Did you ever find out what's at the heart?

 

How long he sang, Frank would never know but he continued until his voice was a whisper and his tears had run dry…until finally in the wee hours of the morn, he succumbed to exhaustion and fell asleep…  

His head hanging forward over his chest….