Frank Hardy -

Do you ever stop and wonder exactly how well you know yourself?

I have asked myself that very question many times in my life – okay it might only be for 18 years so far, but in that time I’ve had plenty of opportunity to reflect.

And I thought I knew myself pretty damn well… until tonight.

Tonight I put a gun to a man’s head, pulled the trigger and wanted him dead.

Of course I knew the consequences.  Good old logical Frank – that’s me. I always know the consequences.  The major one being that I would have been charged, and in all probability gone to jail, extenuating circumstances be damned; because no matter what…by that time it wasn’t a case of life or death. That part had already passed.

I had beaten him, I had stood over him and I had fully intended to kill him.

Logically…stupid. Emotionally…correct.

And now what am I doing?

Now I’m cleaning out my brother’s closet.

Why? Because he asked me to….Talk about logically stupid….

* * *

Ahh, Joseph. 

My younger sibling…my baby brother…the burr in my side…the bug up my butt.

Yup. I’m talking about my brother Joe.

I guess the best way to describe our relationship is to say it is a love/hate thing.

I love him – which is a good thing considering how often I have to pull his fat out of the fire.

My kid brother was born with a trouble magnet firmly affixed to his ass – I have no idea how the doctor could have missed it…..Heaven knows no one else does!

Lucky me, I seem to be the only one with the damned homing device….

And I hate him. Or more correctly, I hate the power he has over me.  No one else can push my buttons like Joe; I think I have everything under control, cruising along just fine and then along comes tornado Joe and I’m off the map!

Joe is my weakness.

There, now I’ve said it. Can’t honestly say it’s made me feel any better but I’ve said it.
Weakness

Function: noun
1 : the quality or state of being weak; also : an instance or period of being weak <agreed in a moment of weakness to go along… with some plan Joe has obviously thought up>
2 : FAULT, DEFECT duh do I need to say more??
3 a : a special desire or fondness <has a weakness for chocolates – not me, that’d be my brother> b : an object of special desire or fondness <pizza is my weakness> forget that, Joe is mine…oh why couldn’t it have been pizza? Pizza has never gotten shot at…or kidnapped…or almost drowned …or…or….

Thank you Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.…

Ask anyone who knows me – well, except Joe – and they’ll probably say I’m a calm, cool and collected character.  Older than my precocious burr by a year, I haven’t really had much chance to be anything but that…now have I???

The kid got whiplash from falling out of his crib, for cripes sake…when he was two!!

I don’t think my parents could have handled it if I was anything but the responsible one.  Two Joes. Now that’s a terrifying thought.

But yup, right out of his crib – when he was sleeping.  It’s possible…he got the neck brace to prove it. And it’s actually in that pile over there…the one I’m fondly calling “Joe’s Special Crap” pile.

So far “Joe’s Special Crap” pile has a number of sentimental type things in it such as a child sized neck brace….A small hand painted black box...and a fish hook - sloppily tied.

Shaking my head, I sit back on my heels and survey the progress.  So far I have two piles, one of which is undercover in a green garbage bag; I can’t in all honesty see any sentimental value, or otherwise, in a paper plate that might have contained something edible when Confucius was in diapers!!

The other pile has the neck brace – and I’ve only looked at the top shelf so far….

 Calm, cool, collected? Oh yeah that’s me.

I held his own gun to that bastard’s head and squeezed the trigger…

NO! Frank…don’t!  Damn Joe.

Damn him to hell for being the only one who can get to me.

* * *

I hadn’t planned on murdering anyone when we’d left home this morning. Well that’s not actually true – but I don’t think threatening bodily harm on my kid brother counts. It couldn’t be helped.

You want to see temptation for 25 to life? Try sitting in a car on a stake-out with my 17-year-old brother! Joe fidgets like it’s nobody’s business. He’s never been very good at sitting still and I have to admit, it’s not really gotten any better.

He just hates to sit and wait. Learning to wait has been a hard lesson for him, if he’s even learned it yet.  But he has gotten better on that count: waiting. Now sitting? That’s another story.

Hmmm….After what happened today, I wonder if that’s going to change?  Might be a while before I can get him out on another stake-out; actually it might be a while before I feel like going myself.

What the –

A jock strap????

I AM NOT touching that!

And what the hell is this?????

My physics book?  It can’t be….My physics book is on top of my desk with the rest of my homework, which - unlike a certain procrastinator who will remain unnamed - I was intending on starting tonight.

So what if it’s only Saturday – it’s never too early to start.

And exactly what is this on the cover??

Yuck.

It had legs.

Okay little brother, this is war. That was just nasty; using my book to kill a spider – a big one at that!

What? He couldn’t find his own heavy textbook? Wait! That would mean he’d have to actually bring home one from school –

Whoa… where did that come from? I guess I’m not as calm, cool and collected right now as I’d like to think…

I almost killed a man tonight took a life…lost control.…

Taking a couple of deep, calming breaths, I try and compose myself.  Come on, Frank, you can’t lose control now. That’s Joe’s job – Joe is the hothead….Joe is the volcano….

Everyone is fine. You’re fine. Joe’s fine. That bastard is in jail…you’re not….

But is everything fine?? Really?

I don’t know.