Joe figured out something was bothering me and kept asking me what was up, and I kept insisting it was nothing. Well my darling sibling never does know when to give it up…does he?

Most people who know me would probably argue that I don’t have a temper…but that is far from the truth.

Joe and I are the same.

I know, I said Joe is the volcano - I’m wrong.

We are both volcanoes. 

My brother is an active volcano.  His temper is legendary and every so often he blows his top, rants, raves, storms away – and then calms down or become dormant until the next eruption.

But me.  I’m the more dangerous type of volcano because everyone thinks I’m just a mountain. A mountain of rock.  Mt. Frank – pretty funny, actually.

Well, everyone except Joe, that is.  But what can I say – it takes a volcano to recognize a volcano….Besides which, he’s usually on the receiving when Mt. Frank blows.

No one can push my buttons like my baby brother….

* * *

I tied this fishhook.

Now isn’t that something.

At first glance I thought it was one Joe had made. But it’s not. It’s mine.

After Joe’s dog Hero ran away, my brother withdrew from us. It’s hard to explain, but something had changed. He was no longer the free-loving little pain-in-the-ass that he usually was. He was moody, evasive and…more disturbing to me…he was afraid.

I still don’t know for sure what was up with him, but I think it must have just been how he grieved for Hero.  Joe is a very intense person – he does everything with great passion….

Lives hard and will probably die hard….I shudder.

Not on my shift, he won’t.

We never found the dog, and figured someone had stolen him because Hero was a pure-bred Newfoundland dog, and worth some money – even if Joe had almost drowned saving him after some jerk had thrown him in the creek at the Mortons’ farm.

Either way, Dad was looking for something to bring Joe out of his funk and he took us fishing - finally.

Jack Wayne, Dad’s friend and pilot, flew us into an isolated fishing lodge somewhere in the Canadian Rockies, and we spent a full week there fishing.  As part of the activities for the younger guests – also known as Joe and me – one of the guides taught us how to tie fishing flies. 

Surprisingly enough – to me anyway – Joe was a born fish fly tier. I can still see his little fingers ‘flying’ *groan* as he turned out hook after hook, while my fingers felt like thumbs. Two left, to be exact.

Man, it was painful.  But after much attempt and some encouragement from my kid brother - which was quite embarrassing, since I was the bigger brother, and we were being watched by a lodge full of big burly outdoors type guys – I managed to tie one.

The one I am holding in my hand now.

I wonder why he kept it….

Hmmm…probably to remind himself of something he could do a lot better then me…of my absolute failure to tie anything except this one sloppy fishing fly!!!

Whoa…that’s not nice.  Joe isn’t like that. 

I think this whole thing is bothering me more than I even realized.

I put a gun to a man’s head.  I should be in jail now. But I’m not….But he is….

My little brother saved me.

And then asked me to clean his closet.

I really have no idea where to put this hook – I think I’ll just lay it on the desk, near Joe’s computer for now. I’ll figure it out later.

I squeezed the trigger….

* * *

I can’t remember exactly how it got out of hand.

But I don’t think it really mattered what he would have said anyway, I was looking for an excuse and Joe gave it to me.

I don’t know why, when I’m aching for outlet, my brother seems to get the brunt of it.

I never lose it with anyone else...not like that….And he never blames me….What did I ever do to deserve a brother like Joe??

If I’m a volcano, then Joe is both the snow and the fire.

Snow? Yeah snow.  Joe is usually my temper…or my display of temper actually.  A lot of times he does what I want to do, or says what I want to say…but he’s just quicker. 

That mouth of his must be on autopilot….

His outbursts cool my own, and I can focus on being the ‘levelheaded’ calm one….Being Frank.

And the Fire?  NO ONE touches my brother. If you want to see the sleeping mountain erupt, mess with Joe.

I should have killed that man.

* * *

Anyway, this volcano was looking for a fissure, and I found one – my 17-year-old fidgeting brother who just couldn’t keep his trap shut….

I blew.

I need to go and check on Joe….

* * *

I really wish he would have stayed in the hospital. But the poor kid hates them, and after his track record, I can’t say I blame him. I hate them almost as much.

But at least then I’d know for sure he was okay.

Take him home…watch him…if he gets worse, bring him back.

Doctors should just get a card made up with that and save themselves a breath. They’d live longer.

But as I’m waiting for this stupid thermometer to take his reading, I wonder why I just didn’t make him stay there, for one night anyway.

He would have, if I asked him to.

But I was being selfish. I wanted him home.

Crap, it’s up a bit.  I’d better call Dr. Bates….

* * *

Dr. Bates. Oh great, another person I could write my essay about….Or Jack Wayne, or Sam Radley…they have each influenced my life and who I’ve become. Some a bit more subtle then others – but an effect is an effect.

No, wait…what was the topic again?

Write about the person who has had the most impact on your life and in shaping who you are?

The most impact…oh yeah.

Dr. Bates is going to drop by and just check Joe out.  He knows what happened today because he’s already seen Joe, once, and I think he’s doing it just for me, now.

I don’t really care, though. When it comes to my brother, my pride can take the back seat.

He said to make sure he isn’t covered up too much. Well that’s not to hard to figure out, since I only know Joe is in my bed because I’m the one who put him there!  He’s like a caterpillar in a cocoon….I need to get this duvet off!

Ah there, that’s better. I’d better get a sheet or something to cover him up with though; Joe hates being uncovered.

Okay, I think I should finish putting the stuff back in Joe’s closet before the doc gets here, just in case….

* * *

I’m amazed at just how much anger I had in me – and from the look on my brother’s face…so was he.

Damn it. I still can’t believe I did that.  It’s because of me I’m waiting for Dr. Bates to come to my house and determine whether or not Joe needs to go back to the hospital again…all because of me.

I got angry at him….

I walked away from him….