Vanessa rolled over and groaned softly at the incessant buzzing in her head. She lay there, still half asleep, wondering what the noise could be when the drug-induced haze lifted enough for her to put two thoughts together.

‘Alarm clock…. Gotta get up…’

Eyes still closed she reached out with one arm and whacked the alarm clock, mercifully hitting the button to turn off the alarm.

‘Ah, silence…’ Lying there, enjoying the quiet, Vanessa forced one eye halfway open, knowing if she didn’t she’d fall back to sleep in seconds. ‘Morning,’ she thought. ‘It’s morning…’ Her eyes flew open.

‘MORNING!!’

Vanessa gazed around the bedroom…and smiled. ‘I did it! I DID IT!!’ Pushing herself up to a sitting position, she leaned back against the headboard as realization washed over her. She felt her eyes tear up – happy tears; joyously happy tears.

For the first time in a year and a half, Vanessa felt…free. The final weight that had been pressing down, the one she was starting to think she’d have to learn to live with forever, was gone. She was finally free of the terror of that night. Oh, Vanessa knew this didn’t mean she’d never remember that awful night, never have another heart-stopping flashback or terrifying nightmare. But that feeling that was always just below the surface, the feeling that Chris Taylor still owned a little piece of her soul – it was gone.

Getting out of bed, Vanessa stumbled to the bathroom, still feeling the residual effects of the sleeping pill. Turning on the light, she checked her reflection. Yes she looked tired, but it was nothing a cold shower, strong coffee and artfully applied make-up couldn’t conceal. Staring deep into her own eyes, she smiled. Tears brimmed and spilled over. She wasn’t imagining it…the spark that had been missing, the spark that said ‘I’m strong, I’m confident, don’t mess with me!’ was back.

‘Joe!’ She thought and flew back to the bed, grabbing the phone. She quickly dialed his cell phone number and settled back. Reaching out she grabbed his pillow and hugged it.

“H’lo.” Joe’s sleepy voice made her grin even more.

“Joe? I did it! I really did it!” Vanessa exclaimed, too excited to feel sorry she was rousing him so early in the morning.

“Huh? What? Van?!” Joe was a little more awake now, if not exactly alert. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong! In fact everything is right!” she cried out, laughing.

“Uh, okay… where are you?” Vanessa could picture Joe, pushing himself up in bed, sleepily running a hand through his hair, trying to fully awaken.

“Home – ALONE!” she giggled. “I did it, Joe,” she said her voice softer now. “I spent the night…alone. All alone. No babysitter, nobody holding my hand…just me.” Her voice hitched slightly, suddenly overwhelmed at conquering that one last hurdle.

“You did it?” Joe repeated, and then more forcefully, “You did it!” Silence filled the line for a moment and then Joe spoke again, his voice filled with quiet pride. “I knew you could…I’m so proud of you, Baby.”

“I’m proud of me, too,” Vanessa replied. And she was, but the reason for it only reminded her of how much she missed Joe. A long silence stretched out, heavy with loneliness. Images from the dream she’d had flitted across Vanessa’s mind. She chewed on her lower lip, wondering if she should even mention it to Joe. It was just a dream, after all, and she didn’t want to add to the guilt and regret he was already feeling.

“Van? You okay?”

Vanessa had been so lost in thought Joe’s concerned voice startled her.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said softly, quickly deciding to keep the disturbing dream to herself. “I just miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” Joe replied, and she heard him sigh. “I’ll be home as soon as I can – promise.”

“Okay…love you.”

“Love you too, Babe. Bye.”

“Bye.” Replacing the phone in its cradle, Vanessa looked at the picture by the bedside. “Hurry home, Baby.”

****

Yawning, Joe climbed out of bed, too awake to go back to sleep now even if he did have time. Turning on the shower, he tested the water temperature and then stepped in. As the warm water cascaded over him, he thought back to the conversation he’d had with Jodi the night before. He’d called to tell her to go for a DNA test first thing this morning, explaining if they could match the results of her test to the one in the police file, a judge would have no choice but to order the adoption records unsealed.

Jodi had been excited at the prospect of not having a long, drawn out court battle just to prove this child really was hers, and readily agreed. There had been an awkward silence and Joe was still kicking himself for not ending the conversation then. But he waited too long and it quickly went downhill…

“Can I ask you something, Joe?” Jodi’s voice was hesitant and unsure.

“Sure,” Joe replied, although he was anything but.

“Are you certain Vanessa isn’t going to say anything? To your parents or maybe Frank? Or even his wife. You said they were close friends. I mean you said she’s really close to your parents and they’re crazy about her…” Jodi was rambling now, more than she should have. “What’s to stop her from telling them? How can you be sure she’ll keep this to herself now that you’re gone?”

Joe heard the touch of envy in her voice and was torn between being irritated with her and feeling sorry for her. Vanessa had everything Jodi hoped for when she and Joe had begun dating – a life with family and friends who loved her. Sometimes Joe took his own family for granted, making it all too easy to forget not everyone was surrounded by people who loved and cared about them. That was all Jodi had ever wanted and she thought she might have found it with Joe. He couldn’t help but feel as if he was the one who had cheated her out of it. He knew they wouldn’t have lasted even if he had been thinking clearly back then; he’d loved Iola deeply and her death was much too fresh in his mind - and heart. They still would have ended up as just friends, but everything else could have turned out so much differently if only he’d invited Jodi into his life, treating her as a cherished friend instead of a way to distract himself from his own pain…

“She won’t say anything, Jodi,” Joe reassured her.

“But how can you be sure? I mean without you there to watch her—”

“She gave me her word! That’s how I can be sure!” Joe said angrily, his patience and sympathy gone at what he perceived as an attack on Vanessa’s character. “She won’t say a word. Just drop it, okay?!”

The conversation hadn’t lasted much longer. Jodi apparently sensed she’d crossed a line and tried desperately to backtrack, apologizing repeatedly but the tension was thick and Joe had ended the call.

Turning off the water, Joe stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel. Drying off, he blotted at the water dripping from his hair and returned to the bedroom to get dressed, a sinking feeling starting to form in his stomach. Was Jodi jealous of Vanessa? Envious of the life he and Vanessa planned to build together? Sitting heavily on the edge of the bed, Joe stared at the thick carpet. Flashes of memory played against it like a movie screen, illuminating the stark contrast of his brief affair with Jodi and his solid relationship with Vanessa. Old feelings – feelings Joe had no time to deal with – tried to poke their way through to the surface. Joe ran a hand through his damp hair and dropped his head into his hands.

‘God, how did I let this happen?’

*****

“More pancakes, Joe?” Cindy asked, holding the spatula up in a question.

"No, thanks,” Joe smiled. “Not that they aren’t delicious, but I’m stuffed.”

Joe had had a leisurely breakfast with Cindy, her husband, Bob and their two children. The easy banter between Cindy and Bob, and the loving sibling rivalry between Sammie and Kyle had brought back many fond memories of Joe’s own childhood. Despite Cindy’s admonishment not to bother their guest, Sammie had chatted with him almost non-stop, asking where he was from, if he was married and did he have any annoying little brothers. Both Cindy and Bob had laughed at the chagrined look on her face when Joe told her he was the annoying little brother, the pronouncement earning him a high-five from Kyle. Sammie had left to catch the school bus shortly afterwards and Joe’s attention had been drawn to six-year-old Kyle. The boy sat next to his father, mimicking the man’s every move.

Joe sipped his coffee, watching the interaction between Bob and Kyle. He could see they were close; Kyle obviously worshipped his dad, hanging on Bob’s every word and Bob clearly doted on his young son. Watching them, Joe’s mind wandered back to his own childhood. When he was Kyle’s age, he’d felt much the same way about his own father. As far as he’d been concerned, Fenton was Superman, Batman and James Bond all rolled into one; in Joe’s eyes he could do no wrong.

Most of Joe’s favorite early memories revolved around his father. He and Frank had shown rapt interest in Fenton’s work even back then. After almost every case, they would beg their father for a blow-by-blow description, and listen wide-eyed, as he happily obliged them. He smiled, recalling the way Fenton would hide things for them to find – candy or a new toy or game – leaving clues for him and Frank to follow in order to uncover their prize.

It was only later that Joe realized while he and Frank thought these were nothing more than fun games to play with dad, Fenton had been trying to see if they really were interested in investigating or if it were merely a passing phase. Once their father was satisfied their interest was genuine, he began using these games to lay the groundwork for the boys’ training.

While the common interest bonded the three Hardy ‘men,’ Joe had just as many happy memories of time spent with his father that had nothing to do with mysteries or investigating crimes. He vividly recalled his very first fishing trip – just him and his father – where Fenton had taught him how to tie a lure, attach it to a hook and the pride and excitement they both felt when he’d landed his very first fish.

That image melted into others – Fenton teaching both him and Frank how to throw a football, hit a baseball or make a double play, swirling in his mind and bringing with them a sense of peace and innocence. During their teenage years, Frank and Joe had no problem talking their father into a ‘friendly’ game of basketball in the Hardy driveway that, more often than not, brought out the competitive streak in all of them. Joe smiled to himself as those memories grew ever more recent. He could still goad Fenton into a game of one on one and despite Fenton’s claims of being an ‘old man’ and ‘past his prime’, he still made Joe work for a win and was still able to out-finesse Joe and steal a game from time to time.

Remembering that time in his life, and the more recent past, Joe couldn’t fathom how he’d made the decisions that had landed him here, searching for a child that might be his. He’d turned away from his family, shunned his friends, and isolated himself from everyone who loved him and wanted to help. Those choices had been made solely out of grief, guilt and self-hatred; choices he couldn’t even wrap his mind around today. Or could he? Hadn’t he left town under a cloud of secrecy? Wasn’t he purposely withholding information from those he loved – shutting them out again?

Not liking where his thoughts were headed, Joe glanced back at Kyle, who was mimicking his father’s every move, and suddenly had mixed emotions. When Joe realized what he had with Vanessa was the real thing, he began dreaming of having a relationship with his own son one day that would emulate the one he’d had with his father.

If this child he was looking for really was his, would that relationship be happening sooner rather than later? If this boy really were his son, how much would things change? He definitely wanted to be a hands-on father, more than just a child support payment and a weekend visit here and there. The child would live with Jodi, but how often would Joe get to see him? He could fight for joint custody, allowing the boy to live one week with Jodi and one week with him, but was that realistic? Jodi lived in New York City and Joe was over an hour away in Bayport. Not very practical, especially during the school year.

Joe turned the options over in his mind now, thinking maybe frequent and liberal visitation would be better. But would that be fair to the boy? He swallowed hard as another thought immediately followed – would that be fair to Vanessa? Was any of this fair to Vanessa? Was it fair to any of them?

Taking another sip of coffee, Joe’s eyes wandered back to Kyle and his father and he wondered… just how complicated was his life about to get?

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Disclaimer

The Hardy Boys belong to Simon and Schuster and the Stratemeyer Foundation. The Hardy Boys Fan Fiction authors of the Hardy Detective Agency have just borrowed them for an adventure or two. The authors promise to put the boys back when they are done with them. The authors do claim copyright to the original characters in this story. Please do not borrow original characters without express permission of the authors.