At one point Frank noticed his father slip out of the room for a while. He returned almost forty-five minutes later but didn’t give any clue as to where he had gone. Shortly after his return, a small, rollaway bed was wheeled into the room and placed in the corner where it would be next to Joe but out of the way of the area the doctors and nurses needed to work. Frank realized his father had gone to request that someone be allowed to stay with Joe during the night, hence the additional bed.

As the chimes sounded, signaling the end to visiting hours, everyone took their turn bidding Joe goodnight, even though he was sound asleep. As the small group prepared to return to the hotel, Frank and Vanessa looked at each other and their eyes locked. Each knew the other wanted to stay with Joe but the doctor had made it clear only one person could remain. Fenton, Laura and Callie discreetly stepped out of the room.

Frank and Vanessa stared at each other for a moment then Frank leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. "Take care of my baby brother." He said quietly. Vanessa watched as Frank walked to the bed, leaned down and said something to Joe. Squeezing his brother’s hand, Frank stared at Joe for a moment, then abruptly turned and left.

"Thank you." Vanessa whispered as the door closed behind him.

For the next hour or so, Vanessa alternated between watching Joe, thankful he was alive and reading or watching television. Just as she was about to turn in for the night, Joe began to stir. A moment later, he opened his eyes and looked around.

"Where is everybody?" He asked, his voice still a little hoarse.

"Visiting hours are over. They went back to the hotel." She explained.

"Could you lift the bed up a little?" Joe requested.

Vanessa reached for the remote control and pressed the button elevating the head of the bed until Joe nodded.

"Better?" She asked as she stood to rearrange the pillows under his head.

"Yeah." Joe smiled at her. "Thanks, Babe."

"You’re very welcome." She kissed him before taking a seat again, noting that he seemed much more alert and coherent than he had been all day.

Joe watched her get settled in the chair next to him, and then reach out and take his hand in hers. Immediately he was hit with a wave of guilt as he remembered saying goodbye to her, when he had finally given up and was relieved that Rashman was going to kill him.

‘I don’t deserve her.’ Joe thought despondently. ‘Her life is a mess because of me.’

"Joe, is something wrong?" Vanessa asked concerned by the look of anguish that had suddenly appeared on his face.

When he didn’t answer right away, Vanessa reached for the remote once again. "I’m calling the nurse."

"No." Joe said quickly, trying to take the remote away from her.

"Joe something is obviously wrong." Vanessa said, growing increasingly more worried by the look in his eyes.

"But the nurse can’t fix it." Joe said, his voice strained. "No one can."

"What?" Vanessa asked, confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I…I need to tell you something." Joe replied, deciding to acknowledge what was bothering him before he lost his nerve.

"Sure, Baby. You can tell me anything, you know that." She said, gently stroking his hand.

"Earlier…you said you knew I’d come back to you…" Joe stopped. Looking into her eyes, he wasn’t sure he could do this. How could he tell her that at the end he just wanted to die? She thought he held on, just for her. And he had, up until the alcohol…

"Joe? What is it?" Vanessa asked, concerned. The guilt in his eyes was overwhelming and she was getting the feeling he wanted to make some kind of confession.

"You kept me going. I thought about you constantly. You were the only thing that got me through it."

Vanessa swallowed hard, tears in her eyes, but remained silent.

"And it worked. Whenever I felt like giving up I thought of you and I knew I could hang on. I thought about when we went to New York for your birthday." Joe smiled automatically at the memory of that weekend. "I remembered every single detail. At that point I really thought I could make it. I didn’t want to leave you alone." Joe closed his eyes for a moment, trying not to let his emotions overwhelm him.

"But after a while, it got so bad I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hold on until Frank found me. I had blacked out a few times. I knew I was going into shock. I was disoriented. I wasn’t even sure what day it was or how long I had been there. It seemed like forever." He said quietly as his eyes filled with pain at the memory.

"I finally decided Frank wasn’t coming. I thought my phone call and the envelope weren’t enough for him to figure out where I was." Joe turned to look at Vanessa and her heart broke. The look on his face reflected nothing but guilt and shame.

"I couldn’t take it anymore. I just wanted it to be over. I wanted to die. Even if it meant leaving you." His words were so soft, Vanessa could barely hear them. "I’m sorry, Van. I’m so sorry."

As Joe looked away, unable to hold her gaze any longer, Vanessa quickly wiped her eyes, thankful that he didn’t see it. ‘Why do you think you have to be Superman?’

"Joe, you have nothing to apologize for. You’re here, you’re alive and you’re going to recover. You did come back to me. As far as I’m concerned, nothing else matters." She said gently. "The only thing you gave up on was being in pain. And no one blames you for that."

Still, Joe wouldn’t look at her. Vanessa gently turned his head, forcing him to look her in the eyes.

"You’re not some superhero, Joe." She said, shaking her head slightly. "I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you’re only human. You just wanted the pain to stop. There is nothing wrong with that and it is definitely nothing to be ashamed of. And I’d bet money no one else would have lasted as long as you did."

Joe was silent, thinking about what she had said. He recalled Rashman saying almost the exact same thing. Staring at Vanessa, he saw there wasn’t a trace of anger or disappointment on her face. "You’re not angry with me? For giving up?"

Vanessa sighed heavily. "If you weren’t so stubborn you might have given up long before Frank found you, but you didn’t. IF I were angry with you, it would only be because you are so insistent that you did something wrong. You’re alive and we’ve got out whole lives ahead of us. How could I possibly be angry about that?"

"So maybe being stubborn isn’t so bad after all then, huh?" Joe asked tentatively, still having a hard time believing Vanessa wasn’t upset with him. What she said made sense, but Joe knew it was going to take a long time before he forgave himself, even if she thought there was nothing to forgive.

"Maybe." She replied, kissing him on the cheek. "As long as you don’t turn that stubbornness on me." She teased, relieved to see Joe finally crack a smile, which was immediately followed by a yawn.

"Why don’t you try and get some sleep." Vanessa suggested. She saw him look around the room, his eyes resting on the small bed. "I’ll be right here when you wake up."

"Wow, how’d you get Frank to let you stay the night?" Joe mumbled, as his eyes fluttered shut. Before Vanessa could answer, he was sound asleep.

Leaning down, she kissed him gently. "Goodnight, Superman."

*****

The next morning, Vanessa stood in the entrance of the waiting area, which was located directly across from the elevators. Joe had awakened earlier and he Vanessa had breakfast together as she had gotten something for herself from the hospital cafeteria. She was relieved to hear Joe complain about the one very small bowl of lime Jell-O he was given, as she knew that was a sign he was feeling better than he had the day before.

After breakfast, they talked for a while but mostly just sat quietly together. A short while ago, Dr. Marston had arrived to check on Joe and Vanessa had left them alone. She was now waiting for the Hardy’s to arrive, as visiting hours would be starting momentarily. She wanted to talk to Frank about the discussion she and Joe had the previous evening before Frank went in to see his brother.

Almost on cue, the elevator doors opened and Frank, Callie, Laura and Fenton stepped off. Vanessa approached them smiling, not wanting them to think the reason she was out in the hall was because something had happened to Joe during the night.

"Good morning." She said giving them each a quick hug. "Dr. Marston stopped in to check on Joe, before he started his rounds this morning." She explained her presence in the hall.

"How was he during the night? Did he sleep ok?" Frank asked.

"He woke up once, but they came in and gave him some pain medication and he went right back to sleep. He seemed better this morning. More alert. He even complained about breakfast." She could see Laura sigh in relief.

"Good morning." Everyone turned at the sound of Dr. Marston’s voice. "Don’t worry." He said in response to the concerned looks. "He’s doing very well. Better than I expected actually. His temperature is back to normal and other than when we have to clean and re-bandage his arm, we’ll be reducing the pain medication."

"So soon?" Laura asked, worried.

"It will be reduced very slowly, and we can always increase it again if he needs it. But it’s best to get him on the least amount of medication required to keep him comfortable." Dr. Marston stopped and chuckled. "He just asked me how soon he could go home."

"You’re right. He is starting to feel better." Frank smiled, relieved to hear that Joe was already starting to act like his old self.

"You can go on in. We won’t be changing the bandage on his arm for a few hours yet. I’ll check in on him later." The doctor said as he got on the elevator to begin his rounds for the morning.

As the Hardy’s started down the hall, Vanessa touched Frank on the arm and motioned for him to join her in the waiting area. Frank followed and sat next to her.

"Last night, Joe made a confession of sorts." Vanessa began. "I don’t know if he’ll say anything to you today – if he’ll say anything to you at all – but I wanted to tell you about it."

"Ok." Frank replied, hoping it might have something to do with Joe’s strange reaction when he had first regained consciousness.

"Apparently, something happened right before you and your Dad found him. I guess whatever they did to him was the last straw. He told me…" Vanessa stopped a moment, wiping away a tear. "I didn’t think it would be this hard."

"Take your time." Frank said reassuringly.

She nodded, taking a deep breath before she continued. "He said he gave up. He couldn’t take anymore and he just wanted to die. I mean who could blame him? I’m sure he lasted longer than anyone else could have. But he felt so guilty. So…ashamed." Vanessa finished her voice breaking.

Frank sighed inwardly as he remembered his father’s comment from the day before and realized Fenton was right in his assessment of his younger son. ‘Joe thinks he’s supposed to be invincible. And if he isn’t he thinks he’s let everyone down.’

"He even apologized to me, Frank. Can you believe it? He apologized because the pain got so bad he couldn’t take it anymore."

"I hope you told him he’s crazy." Frank replied.

"I told him the only thing he gave up on was the pain. Not me, you, or himself."

Frank’s eyes widened. "He said he gave up on me?"

"Yes. He said he was so disoriented he didn’t even know what day it was. Apparently, he thought he had been there for several days. He assumed that whatever clues he left you weren’t enough and you couldn’t find him. Frank, my heart just broke for him. He really thinks he’s done something so horrible no one will ever forgive him. I mean there’s nothing to forgive!" Vanessa said in exasperation.

Frank shook his head in disbelief as everything suddenly clicked for him. Why Joe couldn’t look him in the eye, why he had acted so strangely towards Vanessa. Meeting Vanessa’s eyes, he smiled.

"Thanks for telling me, Van. Hopefully you got through to him. Maybe he’ll realize that simply wanting to be free of the pain is nothing to be ashamed of."

Vanessa arched an eyebrow. "This is Joe we’re talking about here."

"Yeah, right." Frank said, wryly. "The poster child for guilt."

"Are you going to say anything to him?"